The visible & invisible journey of a character

2002. Russia.

One day I am sat down when a name pops into my head. I like the name. It sounds nice. As I think about the name, I realise I am thinking about a character for a novel. She is an unruly 16 year old who, in the very first paragraph, stands up, walks to the front of the class, and knocks her teacher out because he made a joke at her expense.

2008. England.

G.M. still exists. Her name is still present and in the novel, but she has changed much. Now she's an ageless mythical creature. Her first act is to murder several of her enemies.

Much has changed. When--and I refuse to use the word 'if' for reasons I'll explain later--my novel is published the reader will go on a journey with G.M., but they will never have gone on the same journey as I have. Some of the early incarnations of G.M. are as follows:

- An aggressive bully of a schoolgirl who is abused at home by her father.
- A deaf teenage girl who is a song writer and who has to overcome bullying.
- A successful business woman who is disliked by the town where she lives, and whose sister tries to kill her.
- The leader of a radical group.
- The leader of a radical group who kills her group because she's really an evil killer.
- An evil killer who wants revenge for something that happened in her past.

Some of the characters in the book have found their roles changes. Some were beaten writers who turned into detectives. Some were confident murders who turned into timid people who couldn't kill if you paid them; one was an ally of G.M. then she became her sister, then her enemy. The locations have changed. From a quiet American suburb to a gentle Welsh village, to the city of London.

Even the theme has changed. It started out a dramatic comedy, then it changed to a sad story, then an adventure story and now it's horror/fantasy.

And yet when this book lands, when it finally sees the light of day, none of the readers will go on those journeys because I have taken from them that ability and given them a story which, after many years of work, I believe is the most exciting of them all.

There is a measure of sadness as I close in finishing the story. The idea behind it is a trilogy, so G.M. will return but of course her path is now defined and the remaining two books wouldn't take that long to write. I believe in life we all get many ideas, and many good ones; but we only ever get a handful of great ideas and I believe this story to be one of my great ideas. It's not arrogance over my creation because I am not like that. But I've invested so much time and so much energy into this girl that when I sit back and think about it; when I really, truly think about it, I think I've stumbled across something special.

And I don't think I'll ever get that again. That makes me sad, and that makes me refuse to believe it won't be published even though I know the odds are not in my favour.